Love with a Twist of Trouble
by Shinsoria
Summary: Ulquiorra found himself in a relentless battle with his own emotions. It was a feeling foreign to the Espada, and he was unable to grasp ahold of this queer sentiment in his heart. What he didn't know is that, there is no explanation for Love. Ulquiorra then seek help from his fellow Espadas, troubles and mischief brewed within Las Noches as he conveyed his feelings to Orihime.
1. 0: Revelation

Ulquiorra found himself in a relentless battle with his own emotions.

It was a feeling foreign to the Espada, and he was unable to grasp ahold of this queer sentiment in his heart.

What he didn't know is that, there is no explanation for Love.

* * *

 **0: Revelation**

* * *

"…Do you know anything about this?" Ulquiorra was asking Syazelapporo, the mad scientist of their Espada Army.

This feeling was too pressing, and a little suffocating. The Cuarto needed answer, he had been avoiding Orihime for a while and it was irresponsible for him to do that. He was her warden, he was supposed to watch over her.

But Ulquiorra was a man above all.

Ulquiorra figured that if he wanted to get a straightforward and honest explanation, the Octava would be the one to go to. The Cuarto knew that Syazelapporo possessed intellect regarding all scientific matters, and he would be able to resolve this strange sensation that he had been having.

"So you are saying that every time you look at that woman," Syazelapporo coughed as he corrected himself upon Ulquiorra's glare, apparently only _he_ had the rights to address Orihime as 'woman', "I mean, Inoue Orihime, your heart would start to beat faster?"

Ulquiorra then began his lengthy clarification about how he would feel extremely self-conscious around the woman, and how contented he would feel when the woman smiled at him. Syazelapporo could only raise his eyebrows in skepticism.

"Well, it's impossible or so I thought, for a hollow, for _us_ , to feel this way but…" The scientist placed a finger against his lips as he contemplated on Ulquiorra's diagnosis.

"I believe you are in love with Inoue Orihime."


	2. 1: Acceptance

**1: Acceptance**

* * *

"No, Ulquiorra, no, wait, listen-" A droplet of sweat drip down from the scientist's forehead as he attempted to pacify the enraged man in front of him. Ulquiorra had unsheathed his blade and was pointing Murcielago at Syazelapporo, murmuring something about 'trash talking trash'.

"It's not a bad thing, really!"

"I meant it, it's not like you are going to die from loving someone, you know!"

After a prolonged assurance from Syazelapporo, Ulquiorra finally calmed down.

"Why deny yourself the feelings of your heart?" Syazelapporo asked incredulously, before making a mental note to do a proper research on whether hollows actually do possessed a heart; it was vital that he had to do or say something, anything, to keep his life in front of the agitated Cuarto.

"Take the example of Ichigo Kurosaki, and no, I am not comparing you to the trash," The Octava was finding it a little difficult to converse with Ulquiorra at this point of time and he would literally do anything to have the Cuarto out of his precious lab at once.

"He had become stronger at each and every obstacle, his power growing exponentially from loving his friends. When you have somebody that you want to protect so badly, there will be an innate force that will unconsciously push you to a greater height."

Syazelapporo scoffed at himself, wondering if it was even true; the only shred of evidence was from Aizen's documents on the substitute Shinigami and even the Octava himself was apprehensive on the incomprehensible sudden power-ups.

But, surprisingly, Ulquiorra accepted this.

"So… I love the woman." Ulquiorra dwelled on Syazelapporo's words, trusting the Octava that love was something not of detrimental value.

"I shall protect her..."


	3. 2: Chocolate

**2: Chocolate**

* * *

As if to mark the day Ulquiorra had finally come to accept the subconsciously suppressed feeling, he decided to do something special for the woman.

"What do you like, woman?"

The brief question surprised Orihime greatly, she wasn't sure if Ulquiorra was attempting to make small talks or if he was genuinely curious about her preferences.

"I am asking you, woman. Do not make me repeat myself."

Ulquiorra was rather intimidating and Orihime was daunted. However the fierce determination in his eyes had taken her aback and she started to blabber on without a care.

"I personally enjoy cooking myself! Strawberry parfaits with marshmallows, topped with chocolate icings and a ring of mayonnaise. Egg omelet layered with chili and tabasco sauce. Oh, and chocolate, I simply love chocolate!"

"I see."

* * *

It wasn't long before Ulquiorra showed up in front of Syazelapporo's lab once again, much to the latter's mortification. Every single time whenever Octava was being addressed by Ulquiorra, he felt as if his lifespan would shorten by half. Or worst, Syazelapporo might just regress into an adjuchas out of pure fear.

"How may I help you?" Syazelapporo asked, his palms involuntarily sweating at the sight of the impassive Ulquiorra.

"Teach me how to make chocolate."

Syazelapporo raised his eyebrows out of sheer astonishment. The most emotionless man in the world was actually requesting him for help… to bake sweets for a woman?

"Now."

The Octava then brought the Cuarto into the kitchen sector of his lab; all sorts of ingredients were arranged neatly in his shelves. Syazelapporo was proud, they were all his spoils that he had gathered from across Hueco Mundo, the human world and even Soul Society.

"You should make something that reflects your feeling, which shows your heart."

Syazelapporo was guiding the Cuarto step by step, nobody knew how the Octava was so accomplished in his culinary skills but it was apparent that Ulquiorra possessed no talent in this aspect.

"No, you don't melt chocolate that way!"

"DON'T YOU USE YOUR CERO IN MY LAB!"

Syazelapporo was getting rather frustrated at Ulquiorra; if he was his subordinate or even a lower ranked Espada, Syazelapporo would already have blown him into smithereens.

After a long tedious afternoon of coaching, albeit impatiently, Ulquiorra finally managed to make his chocolate. He then placed it in a prim green box, tied with yet another green ribbon, the sweets inside was the best made out of the many tries.

"Thank you, Syazelapporo."

"No, thank you, Ulquiorra." Syazelapporo sighed to himself as Ulquiorra finally left him alone to his contraptions.

* * *

"Woman, this is for you."

Ulquiorra practically shoved the small gift box into Orihime's arms. She gingerly unraveled the ribbon to reveal a piece of slightly charred chocolate.

"It… represents my heart."

Orihime smiled brightly at Ulquiorra's awkwardness.

She took a bite and for someone with tastes as strange as hers, it was just the perfect fit.

Maybe, his heart wasn't all that black.


	4. 3: Present

**3\. Present**

* * *

Grimmjow had overheard Ulquiorra's initial conversation with Syazelapporo, regarding how the Cuarto had wanted to impress Orihime and shower her with items that she loved. Unfortunately for Ulquiorra, Grimmjow then made it a point to involve himself.

"Oi, Ulquiorra," Grimmjow stood in front of Ulquiorra dauntingly, blocking the latter's path in the middle of the large corridor.

"I've heard that you are having some troubles." Grimmjow smirked, finally able to exploit the seemingly immaculate Espada's weakness but he had wanted to help too. After all, anything interesting that were to happen in Las Noches would only be fun with Grimmjow around.

"Scram, trash."

Ulquiorra wasn't interested in what the Sexta was about to say and side stepped the larger man but only to be blocked by him again.

"I'm just trying to help. Do you know that women love getting presents? Wouldn't you want to find the perfect gift for Orihime?"

Now, Ulquiorra's interest was piqued. He knew that Grimmjow was popular amongst the female arrancars, especially with his brusque behavior and muscular body, this bad boy vibe of his was surprisingly well-loved by the ladies. Maybe he could help.

"Fine."

Ulquiorra accepted Grimmjow's offer, not knowing that the Panther was just as naïve as himself in this intricate aspect of love. The Cuarto had even listened in reverence to what the Sexta was saying, until he brought him to the Forest of Menos.

"What are we doing here?"

Ulquiorra was staring at the infinite desert of Hueco Mundo, the lone Moon hanging high up in the sky, reflecting the bleakness he was feeling now.

"Hunting for presents, of course!"

Grimmjow began killing some of the Menos, rather brutally tearing apart some of the passing adjuchas as well and firing ceros here and then. When the explosion finally subsided, Grimmjow was picking up his spoils of war, souvenirs taken from selected 'nicer-looking' hollows with 'prettier' masks and 'shinier' tusks.

"Here."

Grimmjow then handed a large sack of fragmented hollow bones to Ulquiorra, the latter watching with incredulous eyes.

"….Are these _the_ presents you have been speaking about?"

"Of course," Grimmjow grinned, "Don't worry. You are welcome!"

"Grimmjow, you don't have any experience either, do you…"

It was no wonder that although Grimmjow had many female arrancars fans, nobody had dared to approach him.

* * *

Ulquiorra took the heavy sack nonetheless, it was difficult to reject the rather enthused Sexta. He gave it Orihime anxiously, to which she accepted with a smile on her face, much to Ulquiorra's surprise.

"Perhaps Grimmjow really do know what he is doing…"

However, after Ulquiorra had left her chambers, Orihime was eyeing the bag rather warily. It was nice of her warden, but she had no idea what to do with this bloodied bag of hollow remnants.


	5. 4: Advice

**4\. Advice**

* * *

Nnoitra, the self-acclaimed love guru, was offering pieces of 'useful' advice to Ulquiorra.

"Do you know why Neliel was so attracted to me?" Nnoitra boasted. There were only the three of them seating in the vast meeting hall, the third spectator being a very interested Gin.

"Because I'm constantly picking a fight with her."

Gin choked on his tea, struggling to keep his expression straight as he listened to Nnoitra's claims. His tummy was aching, he wanted to laugh, and he was taking every ounce of self-control to not roll on the floor.

Did Nnoitra really believe Neliel was in love with him?

"Women love men who are relentless, as you can see from Neliel and I. I had constantly challenged her and she enjoyed it."

Yes, he did.

Nnoitra was a narcissist and an idiot to boot, obviously being unable to comprehend Neliel's frustrations with him.

"But you know, it wouldn't do good for someone like myself to be tied down this easily. After all, I'm rather popular with women in Hueco Mundo."

Gin gagged. There were no said women, and Gin was well aware that Nnoitra was high in the detestable list of Halibel and her fraccions. Ulquiorra wanted to point out that if Neliel was still alive, she would probably hunt him down and cero-ed him in cold blood. But Nnoitra was gloating too much to allow the other two a chance to speak.

"Of course, Neliel is an attractive woman herself too." Nnoitra nodded, "But for Neliel to fall even deeper in love with my masculine-self more, I had to cut her down to show her my power."

That was the last straw. Gin spat his tea out and it was getting so ridiculous that Ulquiorra simply had to ask a crucial question that would stop Nnoitra in his fantasy.

"Then… how did you affirm she loved you now that she was dead?"

Nnoitra froze for a few seconds and murmured something about there's no reason to dwell on these little details.

"Anyway, believe me, by showing women their places and challenging them, they are bound to love you more."

Nnoitra nodded in self-awe at his flawless recommendation and gave Ulquiorra a pat on his back as he made his exit from the throne room.

"You know you must never listen to what Nnoitra says, eh."

Ulquiorra glanced at the retreating back of the lanky man.

"Of course, he is trash."


End file.
